The complexity of mental health

I shared that I was heading to treatment for PTSD starting May 1. I’m happy to share that I was discharged home on May 20th.

I am not entirely better. I am not worse. But I am hopeful about the future and I have learned a great deal.

There’s a joke in mental health that if you get one diagnosis, you collect another two for free. “Comorbidity” is common in mental health – that is, having more than one diagnosable condition. In my case I suffer from PTSD. But I also suffer from OCD – and a firm belief that I need to be kept safe, with a compulsion to seek treatment.

This results in not feeling safe even when I am capable of doing the work on an outpatient basis. And that’s the case here: I sought a higher level of care because I needed to feel safe. Essentially I outsourced my safety to someone else.

The reason I was discharged, with the support of my team, is it’s time for me to take that responsibility for myself. It’s time for me to accept that external safety isn’t needed; internal safety is available. Leaving the bubble of treatment for the wider world is essentially exposure therapy – and it is working.

Thank you to everyone who offered their support to me. I appreciate it, and I still need it. I will be doing this work on an outpatient basis from now on, continuing to heal, and working hard on the challenges that I alone can face. Your support means everything to me.